


Someone to Hold

by spiders_stars



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: M/M, Younger!Jensen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-19
Updated: 2011-11-19
Packaged: 2017-11-11 11:15:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,662
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/477949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spiders_stars/pseuds/spiders_stars
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Alan passed away, Jared was the one left to look after Jensen. Which wasn’t as easy as he planned.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Someone to Hold

It was raining when the news came out. Wasn’t it always raining when the worst kind of news was delivered? Jared was sitting at his desk and poring over a large file, trying to rein in the last of his focus to finish his work for the evening. So far it wasn’t working out too well for him but whatever, Jared had been working fairly hard the past few months, he deserved a night of slacking off. 

The doorbell rang and interrupted him from the words he wasn’t really reading. He welcomed the distraction, pushing out of his chair and stretching as he padded down the long front hallway and flipped on the porch light. He could hear the rain pelting down just through the door and his brows rose, considering who might risk coming out in such a storm. Also, a glance at the clock on the wall told him it was well after eleven, which likely meant something important was happening. 

Just how important Jared learned as he turned the lock and pulled the door open. His eyes first settled on Jensen Ackles, thirteen year old son to his long-time work colleague and friend, Alan. Jensen was an only child but he’d always been a sweet boy. Jared had known him since he was just five years old, wide bright green eyes that always held a lingering light of sadness. Alan said Jensen had never really understood why his Mom went to the hospital and never came back one day and Jared had always had a soft spot for the kid.

“Mr. Padalecki?” It was the man next to Jensen that spoke first. Jared lifted his gaze and instantly frowned at the cop standing there. It wasn’t at all like Jensen to do something reckless enough to get him in this kind of trouble, especially not when Alan was out of town on business and over the last few months Jensen had worked so hard to convince his dad he could handle being left home alone without a sitter.

“Yeah, that’s me, come on in.” Jared nodded and stepped back, giving them both room to come in out of the rain. He noted the backpack on Jensen’s shoulder and his frown deepened, hand coming to rest on the boy’s free shoulder the moment he’d shut the door. “What’s going on? Jen, you okay?”

“There’s been an accident,” the cop explained quietly and, when Jared looked quickly up toward him, there was nothing but sadness on his face. “Alan Ackles was in a wreck this afternoon.”

“A wreck?” Jared breathed out in shock, trying to put the pieces together. He knew Alan was in Los Angeles for the company but it was only meant to be a three day trip. There was something he was missing and he was almost scared to push for more information. “But is he-”

“He died,” Jensen gasped, his gaze snapping up to Jared and widening. All at once Jensen lurched forward and threw his arms around Jared’s middle, clinging tightly to him. “Oh my God, Jared.”

Instinctively Jared’s arms wrapped around the boy. He felt the twinge of guilt he’d been on the receiving end of more and more lately as Jensen had aged but now was really not the time for that. His mind was stuck on the boy’s gasped words and his shaky sobs and he slowly looked up at the cop. “You... you’re absolutely sure? That it was Alan? He’s away on business.”

“Yes sir, we’re sure.” The cop nodded and the way his eyes drifted down to Jensen he had a feeling the cop had double, maybe triple checked. No one wanted to tell a child that their father had died.

Jared swallowed thickly and forced a nod, gently easing Jensen down the hall. “Please, just, come with me.” He glanced at the cop long enough to ensure he was following then focused his attention on the boy still clinging to him. “Jen? Hey, look at me, can you do that?”

The boy sniffed loudly and clung to him for a moment longer before slowly pulling back. He seemed impossibly young at that moment, which was rare since Jared was always marveling at how grown up and mature Jensen was. But now his eyes were red and puffy and his lower lip was trembling. “What am I gonna do now? Where will I go?”

Jared’s heart clenched painfully and his eyes fluttered closed for just a moment before he was kneeling and meeting Jensen’s scared, sad gaze. “Don’t worry about that right now, Jen, okay? What I need you to do now is try and be strong. I know it hurts, baby, worse than anything you’ve ever felt, but you know your Dad would want you to be strong for him. Show him just how grown up you are.”

The quiver in Jensen’s lower lip picked up for a moment but he slowly nodded and wiped under his eyes, stepping just a little closer to Jared. “Okay.”

“Good boy. Now, why don’t you head into the guest room next to mine and put on some dry pajamas and I’ll make you some hot chocolate and speak with the cop. Think you can handle that?” Jared tried for a soft smile; it felt too forced, and swept his fingers over Jensen’s flushed from tears cheeks. 

“Yeah.” Jensen nodded once more and stepped forward the rest of the way, giving Jared another lingering hug before he pulled away and moved to head down the hall.

Jared blew out a shaky breath, watching Jensen go as he slowly pushed up to his feet. The sadness was rippling off the boy in waves and Jared focused on that, worried what might happen if he let himself truly process the idea of losing such a good friend as Alan, a man that had been a guiding light in his life for the last eight years. 

“Poor kid,” the cop said quietly, reminding Jared he was still there. 

“He lost his mom when he was just four,” Jared nearly whispered, turning to look at the cop before gesturing toward the kitchen. “When did- when did this all happen?”

“The accident was roughly three PM local time. He... they thought he might make it in the beginning but he’d just lost too much blood. The brain damage was too extensive.” The cop scrubbed a hand up through his rain damp hair and sighed heavily. “Do you know why we brought Jensen here, Mr. Padalecki?”

Jared’s lips pursed as he grabbed a pot and the milk from the fridge. He did know and it was enough to make his stomach churn with nerves. Three or so years ago Alan had approached Jared and explained that he had no family and the family on his wife’s side hadn’t spoken to him since the woman passed. As a result there was no one for Jensen to go to if something should happen to Alan.

When the man asked Jared had been flattered and didn’t hesitate to say yes. He’d spent a fair bit of time at the Ackles house and Jensen was a fun kid, smiling more often than not, a great help for his single father, so Jared figured he could handle guardianship. It wasn’t like anything was every _supposed_ to happen to Alan. But it had and now Jared was going to be responsible for that poor, adorable, orphan boy changing in his guest room.

“Yes, I know why.” Jared nodded and met the cop’s gaze. “I’m not entirely sure what happens now. I, um, they won’t try and fight me on this, right? Jensen deserves to be with someone he knows, someone who cares for him.”

“As far as I know, the law will follow the will of the deceased.” The cop half shrugged. It wasn’t much help but Jared knew he would fight for Jensen if need be. Whatever mental issues he might occasionally have, that he couldn’t really go into, he wouldn’t let the boy be shipped through the system. Not when he could provide a home and a loving environment for him to grow up in. “I’m sure more details will be given to you over the next few days as you take over as executor of Alan’s estate.”

It seemed like so much to deal with, too much at that moment, so Jared simply nodded and focused on pouring the sweet cocoa powder into the heated milk. The business stuff he’d deal with later, right at that moment he had to shift his focus to Jensen who needed him. “I um, sorry, was there anything more you needed from me? I should really...” He gestured toward the hallway where he knew Jensen would be appearing before too long. 

“No, that’s it.” The cop took a step back, glancing toward the doorway then nodding. “I’ll just show myself out. I’m very sorry for your loss, Mr. Padalecki.”

Jared nodded and watched the cop disappear down the hallway before dropping his gaze to the pot, stirring the chocolate in slowly. Despite being thirty-one years old, Jared hadn’t given much thought to having children. Maybe because he was gay, maybe it was being single, maybe he just didn’t have that urge to start a family. The idea of raising a thirteen year old was a little terrifying. 

And least of all because Jensen was gorgeous in the way a thirteen year old boy shouldn’t be. Jared wasn’t a perverted old man, he’d never even thought of touching such a young boy before, but something about this particular one called out to him. Jared was completely headed to hell for having thoughts like these, especially at this moment.

“Jared?” Jensen whispered from the doorway and Jared turned to him, his heart catching as he watched the boy twist the hem of his shirt between his fingers. “What- what should I...”

The boy’s words caught on a hiccup and Jared swiftly moved around the counter, stooping down and scooping the boy up in his arms. Almost instantly sobs wracked Jensen’s thin frame, his legs and arms wrapping tight around Jared and clinging like a vice. Jared’s hand slid soothingly up through the boy’s hair and he carried him slowly back to the ready hot chocolate. 

He had a feeling it would be a while before Jensen let him go and well, Jared was okay with that. He could help the boy.

~~

“That poor boy.”

“He didn’t even cry. Not once through the entire sermon.”

“Probably cried out.”

“And he hasn’t left Jared’s side.”

“I can’t even imagine... being so young. To lose both your parents...”

“They’re all talking about me,” Jensen’s soft voice just below Jared’s shoulder surprised him. He’d thought the boy had fallen asleep leaning against him, he’d been still for so long.

But then, Jared had stopped trying to guess what type of mood Jensen should or shouldn’t be in. He couldn’t put his mindset in Jensen’s place, couldn’t imagine what the boy must be feeling. “They’re just worried about you, Jen, everyone is.”

The boy pulled back enough to look up at Jared, his eyes shining with now familiar unshed tears. Jensen had cried so much over the last week Jared had wondered if his head was starting to hurt, but then, he was also a little worried about just how little Jensen was eating, the fact that the kid wouldn’t leave his side, and only slept tucked up against him. Mostly it was okay, Jared could deal, but sometimes late at night when Jensen was curled against him, it wasn’t always that easy.

“They don’t even know me.” Jensen blinked a couple of times and pulled at the edge of the tie he wore. “When will they go?”

Jared didn’t blame Jensen for wanting the mass of people gone. The funeral had been hard enough and all the sympathetic looks constantly directed toward them were clearly starting to bother the boy. There wasn’t a lot he could do to make Jensen better right now but keeping him from the supposed well wishers? That was one.

“I’m sorry, everyone,” Jared spoke loudly as he stood, causing several people to jump and look toward him. “Jensen is really not feeling well right now and I think it would be better if everyone cleared out now.”

It was likely pretty politically incorrect; a few of the women even look scandalized to basically be kicked out of his home, but it wasn’t as if any of these people really _knew_ Jensen. They were co-workers and friends of Alan, a few parents from the school Jensen attended, people who likely meant well but were only causing the boy more harm.

When the last person was gone Jared closed the front door and turned the lock. He turned and wasn’t all that surprised to find Jensen standing right there, barely a couple of feet away. Jensen would follow him into the bathroom if he could, Jared thought. “There, no one is talking about you.”

Just the hint of a smile danced across Jensen’s lips and he stepped forward, wrapping his arms around Jared’s middle and laying his head on Jared’s chest. “Thank you, Jared.”

As Jared’s arms slowly encircled the boy he closed his eyes and blew out a steadying breath.

~~

It was Monday morning and Jared knew he couldn’t allow Jensen to stay home any longer. He understood the boy’s hesitation; everyone at school would likely know of his father’s passing and that alone was going to be hard. Trying to sit in classes and pretend like you weren’t aching for the family you no longer had, well, Jared couldn’t even imagine. 

But he’d used the last of the leave his work had allowed and he couldn’t stand the idea of Jensen sitting alone at the house all day. Three weeks from school, three weeks to get situated in a new room and a new house, it probably wasn’t enough time but it was all Jared could offer. 

“Jen?” Jared walked slowly across his room and dropped back onto the edge of his bed. He still hadn’t managed to get Jensen out of his bed but maybe he wasn’t fighting it as hard as he should. After all, who could really say no to tear-filled bright green eyes like Jensen's? Hell, who could say no to Jensen, period? “Jensen, come on, buddy, you gotta wake up.”

Jensen mumbled incoherently and rolled toward Jared, curling against his body and looping their arms together. His golden blonde hair was splayed in all directions across the pillow and there was a flush just beneath the light freckles on his cheeks. He was so absolutely breathtaking like this that Jared’s jaw nearly dropped. 

His fingers slid down the boy’s smooth skin in a gentle caress, a small smile playing across his lips. At least in his sleep Jensen found some peace. “Jensen, you need to get up. You have to go to school today.”

The boy shifted toward him once more with a groan. But this time his hip rubbed up against Jared’s knee and Jared could feel the heat of his morning arousal pressing through the thin sheet separating them. Almost instantly his own cock responded to the sensation, his eyes growing wide with the fluttering of sheer _want_ pulsing through every inch of his body.

And just, _oh fuck_.

In a flash Jared clambered up off the bed, blowing out a heavy breath and nearly stalking out of the room. It was bad enough he even momentarily had these thoughts about the boy. It was bad enough he sometimes slipped out of bed long after Jensen passed out and jacked off silently in the bathroom just to ease some of the tension. But to _feel_ Jensen’s obvious arousal like that? It was way, way too much.

The guest room next to Jared’s had become Jensen’s room but it was still filled with the boy’s boxes and mostly remained untouched. If Jared were just a little more equipped to handle this parenting thing he probably would have laid down some rules about Jensen cleaning up after himself, especially as he surveyed the mess of clothes scattered across the floor, but he just didn’t have it in him. And well, his own room was just as messy so he maybe didn’t have the justification to protest.

Sorting through the nearest open box Jared lifted a shirt, sniffing it to ensure it was clean, a pair of jeans, clean underwear, socks, and shoes. He could handle rolling Jensen out of bed and encouraging him along, he used to do it for his roommate back in his college days all the time. And Jensen wasn’t even dealing with a hangover so, technically, it should be easier. 

Jared set his mind to the task of waking Jensen and headed back to his room with the clothes in hand. Only when he stepped through his doorway Jensen was already awake. The boy was writhing just barely beneath the sheets and Jared’s gaze instantly snapped down to zero in on the lifting of the cotton fabric above Jensen’s hips. 

Jensen was jacking himself off, right there in Jared’s bed. There were soft moans falling from his lips every time the sheet rose with his hand and that flush on his cheeks had darkened and blossomed out to every inch of skin Jared could see. All the air was seizing up in Jared, causing him to suck in a nearly painful breath, and he stumbled back, knowing he should leave the room before Jensen could notice him there. 

In the next moment the boy’s eyes opened though and instantly landed on him. For just a heartbeat his hand stilled before resuming, picking up speed along with the rise of Jensen’s moans echoing around them. Jared was so painfully hard in his dress slacks it had to be obvious. But Jensen’s eyes simply remained on his face, his teeth digging down into his lower lip. 

Jared knew he should turn. He knew he should at least look away. But it seemed as if he was locked in place, completely frozen as he watched the boy bring himself to completion. Jensen’s body arched beautifully as he came, the sheet pulling down just a little lower, and Jared had a hunch if he rubbed across his cock now he’d probably come right there on the spot. 

They continued to stare at each other for several long minutes, long enough for Jared to feel like he wasn’t going to explode at the seams the moment he moved. So he finally cleared his throat and Jensen sat up, wetting his lips slowly. 

“Today you have to go back to school. I um, I brought you some clothes. So why don’t you go take a shower and get dressed and I’ll make some breakfast.” Yeah, ignoring what just happened was a much safer route to take than addressing it, Jared was pretty sure about that. 

He expected some protests, expected Jensen to fight him on the issue, but the boy simply slid off the bed and fidgeted with his now dirty sleep clothes. Jared purposefully kept his gaze off the come stains on Jensen’s shirt and held out the clean outfit. 

“Thank you,” Jensen said softly as he took the clothes from Jared and looked up at him. “I... will you pick me up today? After school?”

It would mean leaving work early but Jared could work at home. He was fairly sure Jensen wasn’t in the place yet where he could handle any extended periods by himself. And there was definitely the possibility that Jared didn’t _want_ to leave him alone. So he reached out and brushed his fingers through Jensen’s soft hair. “Yeah, of course.”

“Good.” Jensen gave him that hint of a smile, the brightest Jared had seen in the last three weeks, and moved past him to head down the hall to his bathroom.

The moment the bathroom door closed Jared turned and stalked to his own, rapidly undoing the fastening on his jeans. Fuck.

~~

Every inch of Jared’s body was aching. He’d told himself that two months of not going to the gym was unjustifiable, so going during his lunch was completely worth it, but he’d definitely pushed himself too far and now all of his muscles were threatening to seize up. So even though it was barely ten PM, Jared’s teeth were already brushed and he was ready to collapse between his sheets and pass out.

The moment he stepped into his bedroom his eyes fixed on Jensen, already laying back on the pillow he usually used, and a soft sight left Jared’s lips. Over two months and the boy still had yet to leave his bed. Mostly, Jared didn’t mind having Jensen as his own personal shadow. The boy followed him around constantly, whether it was at the house or the grocery store or wherever they happened to be.

And Jared understood, of course he did, Jensen needed a solid adult figure in his life that he was maybe a little terrified was going to disappear at any point in time. But at some point he had to draw some limits because if he never did, well, the boy might never get better. Jensen needed to do some healing on his own if he was ever going to recover from losing his father. 

“Jen...” Jared sighed and slid fingers up through his hair, walking slowly round the bed to his side. “I think tonight might be a good night for you to start sleeping in your own bed, what do you say?”

The boy’s eyes widened as they fixed on him, the bright green shining glassily with the rise of tears. Then his head ducked down and he slowly lifted the blanket off his legs, sliding off the edge of the bed without a word. As the boy stepped away from the bed and toward the bedroom door his shoulders drooped heavily and Jared was fairly sure he could hear the faintest sniffle.

Jared’s heart pinched tightly and he sucked in a quick breath, crossing to cut Jensen off at the pass and kneel before him. Sure enough as his fingers curled under the boy’s chin and tilted upward he could see the tears streaming down Jensen’s cheeks. “Hey,” Jared whispered and brushed away the tears, giving the boy a small smile. “You know this doesn’t mean I don’t care for you, right? Because I do, very much. But you need to heal in a lot of ways Jensen and one of those is being strong enough to sleep in your own bed. Do you understand?”

Once more the boy’s lip trembled but he dipped his head in a nod. “Yeah, I understand.”

Before Jensen could pull away Jared tugged him forward, wrapping arms around him in a tight hug. He hoped Jensen really did understand, that he didn’t think he was being punished for those few times he’d so blatantly jacked off in front of him. Each time it happened it was unplanned, the hottest thing Jared had seen, and enough to make him wallow in guilt for days afterwards. But he’d never stopped the boy, he’d never turned away, so he couldn’t really punish him for it.

Jensen’s arms wrapped tight around Jared, his small head coming to rest against Jared’s shoulder and staying there for a long time. Long enough Jared was a little worried the boy wouldn’t actually let go when the time came. But as his arms slowly loosened and pulled free Jensen stepped back, giving him the smallest smile before turning.

“Goodnight, Jared,” he said softly over his shoulder before heading down the hall.

Jared was still kneeling on the floor as he listened to Jensen’s bedroom door click shut. For some reason the tight pressure in his chest was nearly killing him and the moment he stood he found himself trailing Jensen. He came seconds from knocking on the boy’s door before remembering just why he’d sent Jensen to his own room in the first place. 

“Get a grip on yourself, Jared,” he muttered under his breath then turned to head back into his room. 

The mattress felt amazing, the sheets cool, and Jared sank back on his pillow gratefully. But despite the exhaustion he felt weighing on his shoulders, sleep seem to be eluding him. Jared shifted from his side, to his back, to his other side, to his stomach. He tried clearing his mind of all thoughts like his mom used to advise for falling asleep. Then tried imagining his limbs slowly relaxing as if he were being massaged like his sister always said worked. 

Hell, he tried fucking counting sheep but all that did was annoy him as he realized how ridiculous it was to imagine fluffy cartoon sheep hopping over small fences. 

It was going on midnight when he began staring at the clock, watching the red digital display flashing before him. This was like some cruel fucking irony. The one night his body was practically pleading with him to get some rest and he couldn’t seem to shut his brain up enough to let him have that. Or maybe it had something to do with how cold the empty side of his bed was. 

“Jared?” Jensen’s whisper from the door way was so quiet he probably wouldn’t have heard it if he wasn’t desperate for any distraction from the silence.

Rolling, Jared pushed up and looked over to the boy barely outlined by the soft glow of light from the bathroom down the hall. Jensen was just in boxers and a tank top, fingers twisting the hem of the white cotton slowly. He looked so small and strangely fragile that Jared’s heart flipped. “You okay, Jen?”

“I know you said... I just. I can’t fall asleep.” Jensen sighed and took half a step back. 

A small smile pulled at the corner of Jared’s lips and he reached out, tugging the corner of his blanket and pulling it back. By the time he looked back at Jensen the boy was already moving forward, nearly leaping into the bed and yanking the cover back over his body. He squirmed and shifted on the bed then finally rolled to face Jared, smiling just a little brighter. 

“How come you’re up?” It was impossible to ignore the way Jensen inched closer to him, his legs pressing forward until they touched Jared’s.

What was the point really in trying to pretend like this wasn’t exactly what he wanted? “Couldn’t fall asleep either,” Jared murmured and looped his arm around Jensen’s waist, tugging him close and relaxing into the heat of the boy. 

They were both asleep within minutes.

~~

“Why don’t you bring Jensen up here for the weekend?” Jared’s mother had taken to Jensen in a way that everyone did if they spent any time with the boy. It was impossible not to, really, with that sweet innocent smile and those sparkling pretty green eyes. 

So now that Jensen had been part of Jared’s family for nearly four months, it was like his mom had adopted the boy as her own grandson. Jared thought, come Christmas time, the boy would probably be pretty happy about that. “I’ll see how he feels, Mom. He’s been having some trouble with classes lately, keeping up and everything, so I told him we’d spend some time really working on it.”

Jared smiled as he pulled into the driveway and listened to his mom’s sigh. “Well alright but soon, okay? I’m sure you’re not feeding that boy near enough. I could make him some brownies.”

Chuckling, Jared slid the car into park and gathered up his things. He’d only recently felt comfortable letting Jensen spend afternoons alone at the house. Not because he thought the boy would get into any mischief, Jared was fairly sure Jensen was the most well behaved thirteen year old in existence, but he worried about the sadness constantly lingering on Jensen’s features.

He had no idea what he was going to do when school let out for summer in a few weeks. 

“Okay mom, I will bring him soon I promise. I just pulled in so I’m gonna go. I’ll talk to you soon, yeah? Love you.” Jared listened to her return the sentiment before thumbing his phone off and tucking it into his pocket. 

He maybe walked a little too quickly toward the house, which was in no way related to just how much he wanted to see Jensen. Jared always found himself missing the boy while at work, thinking about something that might make the boy laugh, something that could bring a smile to his lips - one of those smiles that he saw more and more recently as the boy continued to heal.

“Jensen? I’m ho-” The words cut off on Jared’s tongue as his gaze slowly slid around the front room. The floor was spotless, the carpet that started in the living room had clearly just been vacuumed, the scent of wood polish was strong in the air. 

As he slowly sat his papers and keys on the hall table his eyes only got wider. Just above the scent of pine cleaner he could smell something cooking, something that smelled _good_ , and Jared followed the trail to the kitchen. There Jensen stood, stirring a pot, counter scattered with a variety of spices and things Jared didn’t even know he owned.

“You’re making dinner,” Jared stated quite obviously and blinked a few times. “You know how to cook?”

Jensen gave him an innocent smile, likely because they’d been living on a pretty steady diet of take-out lately and Jared had no idea Jensen could make anything. “Surprise?”

It was enough to make Jared laugh softly, sliding fingers up through his hair and walking over to Jensen’s side. “Surprise indeed. You’re holding out on me. So what exactly are you making?”

“It’s chicken dumpling soup. I um, it was always my dad’s favorite.” The smile twitched on and off Jensen’s lips before he sighed, ducking his head down and fixing his eyes on the pot he was slowly stirring.

Jared smiled sadly and stepped up behind Jensen, laying his hand on the boy’s shoulder and squeezing softly. “It sounds really good. Thank you for making it. And well, thank you for cleaning. This place looks amazing.”

“You’re welcome.” Jensen twisted back to smile up at him, his eyes nearly shining, enough to make Jared’s heart surprisingly quicken. “I thought... I just wanted to show you how much I appreciate everything you’ve done for me. I mean, letting me be here and giving me so much. I don’t think... I just couldn’t have made it through all of this without you.”

Jensen had to be the only thirteen year old Jared had ever heard of that went out of his way to do simple things like this to show his thanks. Cleaning and cooking, like he was somehow proving his worth. That thought alone was likely why Jared bent down enough to wrap his arms around Jensen, lifting him up into a tight hug. “I never would have let you go through this alone,” Jared murmured softly, his hand carding back through Jensen’s hair in a gentle caress.

The boy’s thin small body leaned against him, arms tightening around his neck like he simply had to cling to Jared to soak in all his strength. “I know. Because you’re amazing.”

Jared closed his eyes and smiled against Jensen’s shoulder. He was fairly sure he wasn’t really the amazing one here. 

~~

Despite the explosions constantly playing across the screen before him, Jensen was nearly asleep against his shoulder. Jared smiled and wrapped his arm around the boy, squeezing just a little tighter.

Jared was quite content to simply let the boy sleep there against his side for the rest of the movie. Then he'd carry Jensen to his own bed and likely wake up with him glued to his side in the morning. Life as usual. Sometimes Jared had to stop and marvel at the fact that Jensen had been basically his adopted son for over half a year now. 

Even if The Matrix was one of Jared’s favorite movies he found his eyes closing, drifting off to sleep as he settled against the warmth of the boy at his side. Until of course the doorbell rang. 

“What?” Jensen sat up, blinking and rubbing at his eyes. “What’s happening?”

Jared snorted a laugh and ruffled his fingers through Jensen’s hair as he stood. “Just the door, I’ll be back in a minute.”

He grinned as he listened to Jensen’s muttering while he headed down the hall, flicking on the light. Finding Zach on the other side of the door was surprising enough he was frozen for just a moment, his smile fading. 

“Zach, hey.” The man wasn’t anyone all that important, just a guy that Jared had slept with on more than a few occasions. They certainly weren’t dating and they hadn’t spoken in the last six months so his random appearance was enough to throw him for a loop. “Um, what’s up?”

Zach grinned and lifted his shoulders in a shrug. “I was out of town for a while then I thought of you when I got back. It’s been so long, thought maybe we could hang out for a bit.”

It was code word for a night of random sex and damn, part of Jared would just love to have something that simple. Countless months of this boy he was trying desperately not to be attracted to, the one who still shared his bed more often than not, the one who sometimes looked at Jared in a way no fourteen year old really should. More than anything Jared needed some type of release.

“Oh, um, well...” Jared leaned against the door frame, glancing over his shoulder before stepping a little closer to Zach and pulling the door with him. “Now’s not really a good time.”

“Shit, you have someone now? Sorry, I didn’t realize.” Zach glanced around Jared curiously, likely because when they were last hooking up Jared had made it clear how much he wasn’t looking for a relationship. That had been part of the appeal.

“Well it’s not-”

“Jared?” Jensen’s quiet curious voice was just behind him and Jared stepped back, turning to look at him. Those bright green curious eyes moved to Zach and narrowed slightly and there was no way Jared was ignoring the way he slid a little closer, possessive. 

When Jared glanced back at Zach there was something like understanding flashing across his features. “Oh. Um, hey there kid. My name’s Zach, who are you?”

Something about Zach’s tone was just a little patronizing, like Jensen was a two year old, not fourteen. Jared flinched and looked slowly back over at the boy. Jensen hardly looked impressed and he slid his arms over his chest before answering in the flattest tone Jared had ever heard from him. “Jensen.”

With that he turned and walked away, disappearing down the hall. Jared had a feeling the boy was _really_ not happy and he turned back to Zach, faint smile on his face. “My situation has changed some since we last saw each other. Maybe um, we could meet up for coffee or something sometime?”

“Yeah, sure.” Zach nodded and stepped back and Jared had a hunch that he wouldn’t be hearing from the man again. 

That was okay. Especially if he had done anything to damage the relationship he’d built up between Jensen and himself. Jared slowly closed the door and turned the lock, leaning his head against the hard wood and blowing out a shaky breath. He had no idea what Jensen thought of the situation, what assumptions he’d made, but he had a feeling it wasn’t going to go over all that well.

When Jared finally turned and headed back to the living room it was empty, the TV and movie were off and Jensen was nowhere to be seen. The sigh on Jared’s lips grew heavier and he slowly pushed himself down the hallway. Jensen’s bedroom was empty as well, which was maybe surprising, Jared had thought the boy would be hiding out. 

But he wasn’t. Instead Jensen was in Jared’s room, sitting on the foot of his bed and staring down at his hands. Jared hesitated just inside the room, head tilting to the side curiously. “Jen? You okay?”

“Was that your boyfriend?” Jensen asked softly and kept his gaze down, his shoulders slumped in that way they usually were when he was upset.

Not so long ago Jared’s brother had taken him aside and asked Jared just how he planned to address the issue of his sexuality. Jared hadn’t told Jeff how he was fairly sure Jensen had no problems with gay people, the whole jacking off thing well, it just wasn’t something his brother needed to know about. But that still hadn’t answered how he was going to explain any feature relationships to a boy that for all intents and purpose was his son.

“No, he’s not. He’s just a guy I used to...” Jared ran fingers up through his hair and shrugged, feeling a bit like he was the fourteen year old and Jensen was his disapproving father or something. Which was ridiculous.

“You used to fuck,” Jensen said so simply it surprised Jared. For some reason he’d thought the boy was too young to know those kinds of words. Apparently Jared was only fooling himself there. 

Blowing out another shaky breath Jared slowly crossed to his bed, dropping down beside Jensen. “Yes. I haven’t seen him since before you came here. I don’t think we’ll be meeting up again okay? So um, you don’t have to worry about that.”

“But you would like to see him?” Jensen finally looked up and met Jared’s eyes. His gaze was still guarded and Jared wasn’t entirely sure what to make of that. “You miss having sex.”

Jared huffed, not entirely sure he really believed they were having this conversation. “Uh, yeah. I mean, of course I do. This um... we shouldn’t be talking about this Jensen.”

All at once the boy was in movement, twisting on the bed and pushing between Jared’s legs. Jared was surprised enough that when Jensen’s lips slid over his he didn’t immediately react. That secret part of him he never addressed felt the rush of heat burn through every inch of his body at just how good Jensen’s lips felt against his own. Only this wasn’t a feeling Jared could just push away, unlike when the boy occasionally jacked off in front of him, Jared couldn’t just pretend this wasn’t happening. 

So his fingers curled over Jensen’s arms and he pressed him back gently, heaving in a quick breath to try and calm the sudden race of his heart. “Jen...”

“I can give you that,” Jensen said in a rush, his eyes wide and already watering. “I can make you feel good. I can... you can fuck me. I would let you. I- I want that.”

Jared’s mouth was wide open along with his eyes, likely because, well, _fuck_. Jensen couldn’t possibly know how hot that was to hear. Shame burned through him just as strongly as lust and Jared slowly wet his lips. “Jensen. I understand, that you want to be useful, prove your worth or um, whatnot but... god. That’s so... we can’t do that. It’s inappropriate, it’s wrong, and you really don’t have to prove you worth like _that_. You know, it’s just really not right, kid.”

It didn’t occur to Jared how bad his words sounded until Jensen’s lower lip slid out and trembled, the tears growing at the rims of his eyes. “You don’t... you don’t want me?”

“Oh god, no Jen, that’s not what I meant.” Fuck. Jared was an idiot. He was sure a lot of this was his own damn fault. That very first morning, months ago, he shouldn’t have watched Jensen and let this start in the first place. “I. Fuck. I do. Just... I’m supposed to be taking care of you, I’m supposed to make sure you’re safe. I can’t, god, how could I harm you like that?”

“Harm me?” Jensen’s brow furrowed and he shook his head, pushing out of Jared’s hands and stepping forward once more until his chest pressed against Jared’s. “You can’t harm me. I want it. I’ve wanted it, so long. Even before Dad... just. I’ve been thinking about you whenever I jack off for as long as I can remember, Jared. The last thing you’d be doing is harming me.”

The idea that Jensen had been thinking of him _that_ way for so long was a little too much for Jared to process. Even knowing that, it wasn’t as if he could just hop on board with the idea of taking advantage of this sweet little fourteen year old. No matter how badly he might want him. “Jensen, no.” Jared pushed the boy back once more and shook his head, dropping his hands because the longer he touched Jensen, the harder it seemed to be to resist. “This can’t happen.”

To drive his point home he stood and paced away from the bed, heading for the door. They just needed some space, Jensen might be upset right then but it really was ultimately for the best. And Jared completely believed that until Jensen’s half-sobbed words hit him like a punch in his gut. “Please don’t leave me!”

Jared froze and slowly turned back to the boy, his breath hitching at the tears streaming down Jensen’s cheeks. “Why would you think that? Jen, I’m not going anywhere.”

“You are. You’re mad. You don’t want me and you’re going to send me away. You’ll find someone else now. I’m sorry Jared, I just thought- I thought maybe you wanted me too and I just wanted to make you happy. I want to be your everything, I want you to love me and want me and never leave me because I don’t think I can live without you any-”

Jared didn’t let Jensen say anything more. Mainly because the pressure clenching around his chest was nearly painful and he couldn’t really take another word. Instead he was doing something he really shouldn’t be. In two quick steps he’d crossed to Jensen and slid an arm around his waist, nearly lifting him off the floor and crushing their lips together. 

It was what he really wanted, if he were completely honest with himself, and it stopped the almost painful words from tumbling out of Jensen’s mouth. Almost instantly Jensen’s arms were hooking around his neck, latching tight, fingers digging in Jared’s hair as his legs wrapped around his middle. Jensen’s lips were full and soft, gliding swift along Jared’s as the man kissed him just the right side of too rough. 

Jared stumbled as his arms slid down to tuck under Jensen’s ass, holding him up and walking blindly toward his bed. He could already feel the heat of Jensen’s hardening cock against his belly, the boy’s hips grinding against him. When Jared’s tongue finally slid forward and mapped along the inside of Jensen’s mouth the boy moaned loudly and writhed harder against him. 

Already it was far more maddening than Jared ever could have anticipated. The boy was like fire against him, clinging and squirming and sucking on Jared’s tongue like he couldn’t imagine anything better. The moment his calves hit the foot of the bed he feel back, breaking the kiss in time to ensure they didn’t unintentionally hurt each other. Jensen wasted no time in moving his lips along Jared’s skin, kissing and sucking over Jared’s jaw like he couldn’t get enough of the man’s skin.

Jared moaned and tipped his head back, squirming further up the length of the bed until he could lay spread out with Jensen over him. “Jesus, fuck, Jen,” Jared groaned and thread his fingers along the back of the boy’s neck, combing through his soft short strands of golden hair. “Already... fuckin’ driving me crazy.”

A gasp fell from Jensen and he pushed up and down, his hips lining up over Jared’s and rolling with purpose. “You feel so hard. That’s... because of me? I made you this hard?”

The way Jensen bit down on his bottom lip made him look so unsure and Jared gaped for just a moment. The contrast of heat from Jensen’s body shamelessly grinding down against his and the innocence of his curious look was like being tossed in a fire and Jared’s body shuddered. “Yes, god, yeah, Jen. Because of you. _This_ is what you do to me.”

To drive his point home he thrust his hips up, the friction of his cock grinding against Jensen’s through too many layers of fabric enough to bring another moan to his lips. The boy was practically trembling against Jared and he fell down in the next beat, sliding their lips together desperately once more. 

Jensen’s tongue tangled with his, their bodies sliding and rocking together as the boy constantly squirmed against him. The teasing friction wasn’t nearly enough though and it wasn’t long before Jared was caving to some of his more primal urges and rolling them, falling instantly between Jensen’s spread legs. 

When he pulled back from the deep kiss this time it hit him just how much bigger he was than Jensen. Which of course made all the reasons why this should stop, right the fuck now, slam back to the forefront of his mind. But Jensen must have seen the look on his face because in the next moment fingers were softly caressing Jared’s cheek and pulling his attention back.

“A couple of years ago, you came over for an afternoon. We went swimming and my friend Jeremiah was there. I don’t know if you remember but we played chicken, I sat on your shoulders and Jeremiah sat on Dad’s. I... ever since that day, I couldn’t stop thinking about you, how good your hands felt on my skin, how much I wanted you to touch every inch of me. I know I’m young, I know I’m probably not good enough, but I... I would try. I would really do my best.”

“It’s really been that long?” Jared asked in quiet disbelief, propping himself up on one hand so the other could smooth along the silky lines of Jensen’s arm. He wanted to see the boy naked, wanted to touch every inch of him as Jensen had spoke of, and he was pretty sure he was only moments aware from giving in to that desire. 

“Yes.” Jensen nodded and smiled shyly up at him. “Will you? Will you touch me and make me yours Jared? Please? I want it so much.”

Already the boy was begging and yeah, that was Jared’s downfall. He had always been a sucker for the kid so giving in now wasn’t even surprising. Instead his hand was slipping under Jensen’s shirt, pushing up and pulling the material over his head as Jensen lifted off the bed to help. Jared tugged his own shirt off before dipping down to capture Jensen’s lips in a hard kiss once more. 

Their hips continued their slow roll, grinding together as Jared’s tongue swept forward once more and the last of his resistance fell away. He set about out tasting every inch of Jensen’s mouth as his hand worked further down below them and tugged the button free on the boy’s jeans, yanking at his zipper a moment later. Jared pulled at denim and cotton and Jensen lifted his hips until the material finally, mercifully, slid down low enough Jared could feel the heat radiating from his arousal. 

Jared broke the kiss again, this time to push back far enough to get a good full view of the boy and pull his clothing the rest of the way off. Jensen’s body was lithe, miles of creamy skin untouched and slowly staining with the flush of heat. A smile played across Jared’s lips as he danced his fingers up along Jensen’s legs and the boy instant writhed up, seeking out more of the too-brief touches. 

“Jared,” Jensen gasped the moment Jared’s fingers ghosted across his cock, barely stroking up along the hard swell. “More. Please, please more.”

More begging and Jared was certifiably doomed. He wasn’t going to be able to handle Jensen, that much was already obvious. Not that he could really complain. 

“Gonna give you everything you want,” Jared murmured and slid off the edge of the bed, working at the button and fly of his own jeans and swiftly kicking free from them. He stopped long enough to grab a bottle of lube before climbing back on the bed, slipping between Jensen’s already spread legs.

He took his time mapping out kisses along Jensen’s skin as he crawled down the boy’s body, tasting every inch of creamy skin he could reach. The boy was so incredibly responsive it nearly shocked Jared, arching up to meet wherever Jared’s lips happened to touch. His moans were growing louder, deeper, as Jared’s teeth grazed across sharp hipbones, lapping to ease the slight sting from the bite moments later. 

“Oh my god, Jared,” Jensen gasped, his hand dropping so his fingers curled and weaved through Jared’s hair. “I need... please, oh god.”

“Shh, you’re fine,” Jared chuckled softly and turned so his nose brushed just softly against Jensen’s cock, the hard flesh twitching in response. He knew he was driving the boy crazy but since the feeling was mutual, he didn’t feel too bad about it. Plus he was fairly certain Jensen wasn’t going to be complaining any time soon.

His fingers twisted along the bottle of lube and he flicked the cap as his tongue slid out, trailing along the full length from base to tip. Jensen’s answering moan was low and guttural, causing his breath to vibrate, and Jared repeated the lick. His fingers slick with lube, Jared shifted forward and rubbed along the puckered pink entrance, just barely easing his finger tip into tight muscle. 

“Fuck,” Jensen called out and gripped Jared’s hair tighter. For a moment Jared thought it was too much, that the boy wouldn’t be able to handle it, then Jensen’s hips were rocking hard down and Jared’s finger was sliding all the way in. “Can handle it. I... I’ve done this before. Fingered myself.”

That caught Jared’s attention and he pushed up enough to see the dark green of Jensen’s lust filled gaze, his finger crooking inside tight muscle. “You’ve fingered yourself?” When Jensen met his gaze and slowly nodded Jared groaned and slowly added a second finger in beside his first. “You’re so fucking hot, Jesus, Jen. You’ve never been fucked though, yeah?”

Something like a smirk pulled at Jensen’s lips and he shook his head, once more rolling his hips down against Jared’s fingers, lips parting in a small gasp. “N-no, never been fucked. Wanted you too much to even look at someone else.”

“Christ,” Jared groaned and dropped back down, resuming the slow licking drags up Jensen’s cock as his fingers worked in and out of the boy, taking his time to slick along every inch of the radiating heat. Jensen was writhing and moaning once more, twisting so much Jared had to plant his free hand on the boy’s hip to keep him from jerking up off the bed. 

As he slowly slipped a third finger up into Jensen the boy’s body finally tensed, taking a moment to adjust to the stretch, and Jared parted his lips to suck just the head of Jensen’s cock into his mouth. It once more had Jensen snapping up, his nails scraping along Jared’s scalp, heels digging into the mattress on either side of Jared’s shoulders. “Now. You now. Please, please Jared.”

“Shit. Okay, okay yeah.” Jared nodded shakily and pulled his fingers free. He wasn’t entirely sure Jensen was ready but he couldn’t wait any longer, not if he wanted to actually last through finally fucking into the boy. By this point he wasn’t entirely sure he would. 

Jensen began to roll on the bed but Jared pressed down on his chest, sliding up to his knees between the boy’s spread legs. Jensen looked at him curiously, eyes dropping to watch Jared slowly stroke lube over his achingly hard cock. “You want me on my back like this?”

“I wanna see you.” Jared smiled down at the boy then shifted forward, lifting the thin legs and hooking them up over his shoulder. Jensen’s body bent with surprising ease and Jared lined himself up, tongue swiping once over his lips as he struggled to control the sudden flare of _want_ burning through him. 

Wanting Jensen this badly was kind of the craziest thing that had ever happened to him. He hadn’t even fucked the boy yet and he was already sure he was completely doomed to spend forever wanting this. Which wasn’t such a bad thing, he learned as the head of his cock slowly worked down between tight muscles. 

Jensen inhaled slowly and his body relaxed, allowing Jared to sink further and deeper into him. Jared’s arms were shaking as he held himself up and slowly inched his hips forward, not stopping until he’d bottomed out in the boy. Beneath him Jensen was completely still, hardly breathing, and Jared shifted enough to gently brush fingers along his cheek.

“You with me, baby?” Jared asked in a quiet murmur, forcing his focus on all the control he could muster to keep from roughly fucking into the boy the way his body wanted. 

It took a long moment before Jensen blinked his eyes open and nodded, meeting Jared’s gaze with the smallest smile. “You’re so big. Feels good.”

Jared swallowed thickly and shifted down so his lips could brush over Jensen’s, deepening the kiss almost instantly. He distracted Jensen from any further discomfort by sweeping his tongue forward in gentle glides, working to taste all of Jensen’s mouth once more. When the boy once more began his soft moans and slow roll of his hips Jared groaned and pulled back, his cock sliding from the vice grip Jensen had around him. 

Jensen’s body continued to clench around him as his cock rocked back down in and pulled free, picking up a steady speed to bring their bodies together over and over. Jensen rocked up to meet each of his thrusts, his moans growing louder once more, his fingers tangling again in Jared’s hair. Each time Jared drove forward the boy’s body twisted up and those tight walls clenched around him, fluttering in rippling ways. 

The heat and tight pressure was almost too much for Jared. His heart was racing, his blood pumping loud in his ears, and he moaned out the boy’s name. Which seemed to trigger some part of Jensen that had been teetering too close to the edge. Suddenly the boy was arching up into him and Jared could feel the heat of his release spreading between their bodies.

Jared threw his head back with another loud moan, fingers gripping tight on Jensen’s thighs as his thrusts picked up a near brutal pace. Jensen’s skin slapped against his every time his cock drove home and that clenching vice around him reached a whole new level of tightness, causing Jared’s hips to stutter to a stop and start all over again. 

“Jared, oh god,” Jensen gasped, his body curving almost entirely off the bed.

That was Jared’s undoing. In a handful more of shaky thrusts his orgasm was exploding through him, his hips rolling hard forward as he worked his come deeper within the boy, gripping tight enough to his skin he was likely to leave bruises. 

“Holy shit,” Jensen whispered in awe as Jared nearly collapsed on him, the words panted between each of his shaky breaths. 

Jared didn’t want to crush the boy so he used the last of his energy to pull free from the boy and collapse to his side on the bed, dragging his arm over his sweaty forehead. “Jesus,” he whispered just as out of breath as Jensen. “That was...”

“Amazing,” Jensen murmured and rolled to him, tucking under Jared’s arm easily as he had so many times over the last few months. “We... can we do that a lot now? All the time? It feels so good to feel... good. That’s not bad right? I mean, to feel good now. It’s been so long since Dad and I just want... I wanna be better. You make me better.”

The last thing Jared really wanted to do was talk about Alan right now. It was going to take a while before he could wrap his mind around the idea of actually being okay with fucking his late friend’s son. So he let his head fall to the side and blinked at Jensen, small smile on his face. “It’s okay to be better, to feel good. Why don’t we sleep now? You wore me out kid.”

Jensen smiled, surprisingly shy considering what they’d just done, and snuggled just a little closer. “You’re not upset with me for making you do this, right?”

Jared huffed a laugh and tightened his arm around Jensen. “No. Not upset. And trust me Jensen, you couldn’t _make_ me do anything I didn’t want to. Alright?”

He could feel Jensen’s smile grow against his shoulder and the boy’s leg slid across his own to tuck in between. “Yeah, okay. I love you, Jared.”

The familiar pang in his chest that he always associated with Jensen tightened for a moment and Jared pressed a kiss to the boy’s temple. “Yeah. I love you too, Jen.”


End file.
